I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
