In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
farters have to be the big spoon...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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