i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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