I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
