I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
