Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Alive.
So much puke
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
