Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
