I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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