peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
