well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
