4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
