It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
