I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
