When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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