I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
