just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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