what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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