I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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