I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Randomize
