My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
