my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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