Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
