Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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