I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
