omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
