apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pants are for mortals
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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