i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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