Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
