my mouth tastes like poor choices
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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