By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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