She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
