I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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