you're like a bully in the Christmas story
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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