My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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