when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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