it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
