What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
