we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I could make wine with my vomit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
