If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up under a house in Key West
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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