When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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