I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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