I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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