i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
