She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
