Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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