Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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