Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
