Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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