she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
