I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
