your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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