next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
