Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
me + whiskey = a bad person
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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